Finding Your Way in

For non-believers of Jesus

For many years, I sat in Quaker meeting for an hour on Sundays, pondering, reflecting, breathing. Quakers are not Amish, they’re not Shakers. They originally called themselves Friends. They turn to the silence, the Light within (the Christ within all of us), and ask for answers, for ministry. Every once in a while, someone will stand up in a meeting to speak a ministry brought on by the Holy Spirit, which is what happens to me a lot of the time. I am especially open, a vessel or channel, someone who knows God.

Knowing God does not mean I always understand God. I struggle just as much as anyone else through hardship and mystery. Amidst that struggle, and amidst that joy, I trust.

When I would sit on the bench in my 17th century Quaker meeting house outside of Philadelphia, I tried to find my way in. Jesus would visit me in visions. I did not know the bible, but I knew the general stories, the oral histories we all have about his life, his death, his resurrection. I saw him moving through pain. I saw his mother struggling to find a place to birth and nurture him, cast out from her community for her faithfulness. I saw him suffering, betrayed, abandoned, and rising back up again, just as birds and color returns in spring to give us new life and hope.

It was beautiful, but very theoretical for me. I watched and pondered from a distance. There was no intimacy with him as a figure, and yet I felt, very often, the presence of the Divine One.

And this is what we need, if we are to be a faithful people, and if God is ever going to work for us. We need to get beyond concepts and notions of heaven, of God, of spirituality, of faithfulness. We need to get beyond boundaries and rules. We need to get intimate with God, to know God the way we know our best friend.

God is vast, and I’m sorry I am not using another word here. God is not male or female. God is It. Eternity. Divinity. Essence. Rootedness. Earth. Sky. Heaven. Jesus used the word “Father,” to show that intimacy, but Mother will do just as well. Words carry vibrations, and the more something is read, turned to, noted, believed, the more vibration it will carry, and the more energetic power it will have. This is why “Father” works for people time and time again. It is not the Word itself, but the Word knows things.

Jesus is a direct link, made great and powerful through his own destiny, through his faithfulness, through his uniqueness and vitality, and through others’ belief in him. As a spiritual being and vibration, as an energy, he grew to great prominence because of the witnesses around him, his availability to those in need who call on him, and his destiny to heal the souls in this world.

He could just as easily have been a woman, and there are plenty of others like him in this universe, who did not rise to such fame and prominence, but who also have the ability to heal and appear to those in need, when called upon in prayer and union. Perhaps, in some way, this is a game of numbers. Moreso, however, it is a game of quality, of faithfulness. The more faith people have, the greater is the trust and the faith, the more powerful is the energetic being’s ability to create change and work in consort with Divine Energy to bring about healing, renewal, and an answer to the aspirant’s prayer.

I am explaining this intellectually, or dimensionally. I am not yet sharing the love in my heart, which is way more powerful.

I moved from a concept of Jesus, a distance of him, into intimacy and deep, great love, through my own hardship, through the necessity of needing his help. A man I don’t even speak to anymore offered to help me in a time of need, and I called on Jesus’ name finally, and in that faithfulness, when I was bruised, beaten and battered by life, with nothing left (empty, as the Buddhists would call it), I asked for a savior, for Jesus to lift me up, to help. He wanted me too, by the way. He’d been knocking on my door for a couple of years. So my heart came to life in a new way, and when I love someone, I go all the way. I don’t half-love, or kinda/sorta love. I become love.

I became that for Jesus, when I felt his presence, the power of his gentleness, the kind of love I’d always longed for and had not felt.

And when you’re in love, you sometimes talk about it. You want to celebrate it, enjoy it, share it. Not all people like that, especially those living in their heads, in their concepts of reality rather than the experience of living fully, deeply, knowing such peace and calm, able to weather storms because of this great rock in their lives.

Some people are married to fear or external power, and a faithful person is then scary, crazy, at odds with their system of things. Some people think love is possession, ownership, right or wrong, “getting my way.” Jesus doesn’t allow that. He shares, “It is not about you, it is not about your elevation above others. It is not about winning. It is about It, the Essence, the Power, the Truth. It is about integrity, regard, kindness, compassion, surrender.”

Do you see?

Does this help to find a way in? I don’t know. I just want you to know, this Easter season, that I looked up a Catholic mass for today, and I saw the readings, the deadness of it. Utter deadness and a lack of life, is what appeared when I browsed. This is not true of all Catholics themselves, especially those who know Mother Mary and turn to her, and are enlivened by her energy. (She is what holds the Catholic church together.)

But perhaps it is true of many churches, many people who check the box to look good, rather than know God intimately.

I don’t think one can easily find God, or know God, unless she is asking, seeking, and surrendering. One cannot find God if her heart is hard to Him/Her/It. One can only find God when she allows herself to be an open channel, asking for love and acceptance of her own nature, for deeper knowledge and wisdom in return, and for healing.

There are no tangible rewards for a love of God. There are no promises or bargains you can make beyond that love. There is just trust, and healing, and a reference point to turn to again and gain, using this powerful figure, who meets you exactly where you are, shows you who you are, and never leaves.

God exists beyond Jesus. God always was. Jesus is the guru, the center, the rock to rest yourself at the feet of, in order to get through. He is healing.

He is not the only one.

He is just the greatest. (So far.)

Image: Photo by Josh Applegate on Unsplash

Blending the sacred and the sensual through art, yoga philosophy, commentary, and updated bible readings. https://linktr.ee/motherjana

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